My Cloud is Moving

Over the past two months I have been working at BVBC. The past year my life has been full of anxiety and hurt. I had been pushed to my limates. For the longest time I felt that no good came from all of this hurt. This last couple of weeks me and Corey Anderson have been duscussing our second prepublished book. This one called "Ten Things I Hate About God" with the subtitle "and why it makes me love him more". Is it just me or is there anyone else that feels like shaking there fist at God in joyous anger sometimes? I imagine that when this book douse get published number 6 or 7 would be "I hate it when God dousent tell us what his plan is". And of course in the top three would be "I hate it when God makes us feel stupid by reveling us just how retarded our plans accually are". It suddenly occured to me that all the hurt that I went through this last year has been to prepair me for a new ministry. To be honest he probably told me straight up but I was too pig headed to listen. My mindset was "This sucks way too much for this to be from God". Im an idiot sometimes. So who knows where I am headed? "Oh God, your so silly"

Touch Base

Well, since I last blogged I have graduated high school, turned 18 and been at camp for a little over than a month. Here is where I am now. I am feeling pretty broken. I so desperatly want to go home and be with good company. Its not that I went anywhere its just on top of the friends that I lost that were fun to hang out with, I lost the friends who gave me emotional stabillity. I guess its been a little over a year since Drake and Carmen left. This was when the older guys in the youth lost connection. Shawn went up to Ft Mac a couple weeks ago with Travis. Shawn was always there. Any time I realy needed help I would just crash at his house. Geoff is always good to talk to but the distance dousent help. I have fallen so far over the last couple months. I realy want to go home. Im thinking Cold Lake has taught me all it can and is starting to corrupt me. So what I hope to do some time this year is put myself somewhere that will help. Deliver me to someone, somewhere. I dont think I can live here anymore. Im just waiting for God to show me the way.