Well. All of my real life I have had this ability, to see through things. If I don't understand something I could always figure it out. Its hard to explain, I just had this need to know. No matter what I was doing at the time I could be contemplating something completely different. it was always good. I could accomplish things. its like this music in my head, this music that tells me everything I need to know, really what gives me faith has stopped playing. I just can't think. I have lost enjoyment in everything. somethings wrong and I don't know what it is. I used to be able to figure these things out. Well it was kind of an aid, it would help me, it would tell me what to pray about, where as now I sit ready for prayer and nothing comes to mind. its like I'm broken inside. It would lead me to God. It is how I felt before I was saved. It was such a distinked feeling that I can't froget. Now all I can feel is a fear that I will go back to old habbits. I need help and for the first time in my life it isn't avalable in Cold Lake.
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