I don't understand why trusting in God is so difficult. When it comes to family, friends, even people I have never met before I have never had an issue with trust. I really cant think of a friend that I wouldn't trust with my life. Which brings the question: why don't I trust the only person who has truly earned the right to be trusted.
I lead a worship band. I really enjoy it but on top of everything else that God seems to be testing me with he still feels the need to critique my work here. It is probably just because this is where I need the most work. What buggs me more that anything is that all the musical experience that I have accumulated over the years is telling me that we as a band are doing every second thing wrong. The list of problems that I could rant for hours on don't really seem to matter to anyone. Every instinct of mine tells me that we suck but week after week I have people complement our worship, to be honest we don't deserve this thanks but somehow we recive it anyway. I'm not trying to get at the salvation story. Its that I am trying too hard and worrying over everything when it comes to worship. Even when I know im too tired to play it still sounds good. For some things, as it stands, I just cant trust him.
I realy hate myself for it.
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2 comments:
We need to talk... I would write it here but it would be an essay... you know me... by the way your spelling on this last pots is much better... :) Phone me!
Can I ask you to do something? Get your bible out and read these passages: Heb 12:5-13; James 1:2-8,12; 2 cor 4:7-9
Don't hate yourself for the things that you are struggling with. Rather look at them as God building you up and instructing them. Read the passages and if you have further questions about what I am trying to get at let me know!
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